WOW! I’m a man - and I just don’t get it. Which, of course, may be of no surprise to many of you reading this. But hang on a minute; It’s not that I don’t get women, it’s that you are so freakin powerful and I wonder if you are even aware of it! Before I continue, let me be clear: I don’t make up excuses for behaviour. That’s just not me. Yet, at the same time, it’s important that we become aware of how bad behaviour develops. And I’m talking about BAD behaviour, not bad (wink wink) behaviour. For example, when we are treated badly – disrespected, ignored, manipulated, etc – we sometimes find other ways of coping with those lousy feelings that come along with that.
One way to deal with bad behaviour is to pour vodka on it. Hey, I’ve done it. When my former girlfriend and I broke up not too long ago I went out and poured gin aaaalllllllll over those feelings of rejection. Yeah, I forgot about them that evening, but they got me again the next day! So, those ways of coping can come in various forms and are typically self destructive in a variety of ways – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
What the heck am I talking about? And didn’t I say that women are powerful? Ok, here we go. Whenever someone behaves badly toward you, you will resist that bad behaviour---we all do. Therefore, YOU. ARE. NOT. A. HELPLESS. VICTIM. You respond in ways that keep you safe. If your girl/boyfriend/spouse is treating you poorly or abusing your trust in some way, you always take action to resist that. Anyway, let me try and sum up this idea from the guy who initiated the idea - Alan Wade. He put this idea out there in an article way back in 1997: Small Acts of Living: Everyday Resistance to Violence and Other Forms of Oppression. Basically, when you think about how you would stop those acts against you, or refuse to be a part of it, or imagine a better way of being, you are then responding through resisting.
Now, can you think of how you respond, either outright or in the background (passively)? For example, when your partner withholds affection from you (emotionally harming you), how do you respond? Do you tell him/her to f**k off, or do you try to imagine a relationship where both of you are affectionate unconditionally? BOTH are equally valid ways of responding to and resisting violence and oppression. Do you see your power? When we become aware that everything we do (or appear not to do) is an act of resistance, then we become powerful. We become agents of change in our own lives. You are not a victim of the garbage that happens around you. You get to choose how your life rolls out and how you respond.
Think about your power. Think about how you respond and how resistance works in your life.
Next time, we will explore how someone who treats you badly – a spouse, parent, co-worker – is also using some kind of self-destructive coping mechanism. This is not to excuse the behaviour but to understand its origins. Stay tuned.
