Just Pour Some Vodka on It: Or Something Like That…

WOW! I’m a man - and I just don’t get it. Which, of course, may be of no surprise to many of you reading this. But hang on a minute; It’s not that I don’t get women, it’s that you are so freakin powerful and I wonder if you are even aware of it! Before I continue, let me be clear: I don’t make up excuses for behaviour. That’s just not me. Yet, at the same time, it’s important that we become aware of how bad behaviour develops. And I’m talking about BAD behaviour, not bad (wink wink) behaviour. For example, when we are treated badly – disrespected, ignored, manipulated, etc – we sometimes find other ways of coping with those lousy feelings that come along with that.

One way to deal with bad behaviour is to pour vodka on it. Hey, I’ve done it. When my former girlfriend and I broke up not too long ago I went out and poured gin aaaalllllllll over those feelings of rejection. Yeah, I forgot about them that evening, but they got me again the next day! So, those ways of coping can come in various forms and are typically self destructive in a variety of ways – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

What the heck am I talking about? And didn’t I say that women are powerful? Ok, here we go. Whenever someone behaves badly toward you, you will resist that bad behaviour---we all do. Therefore, YOU. ARE. NOT. A. HELPLESS. VICTIM. You respond in ways that keep you safe. If your girl/boyfriend/spouse is treating you poorly or abusing your trust in some way, you always take action to resist that. Anyway, let me try and sum up this idea from the guy who initiated the idea - Alan Wade. He put this idea out there in an article way back in 1997: Small Acts of Living: Everyday Resistance to Violence and Other Forms of Oppression. Basically, when you think about how you would stop those acts against you, or refuse to be a part of it, or imagine a better way of being, you are then responding through resisting.

Now, can you think of how you respond, either outright or in the background (passively)? For example, when your partner withholds affection from you (emotionally harming you), how do you respond? Do you tell him/her to f**k off, or do you try to imagine a relationship where both of you are affectionate unconditionally? BOTH are equally valid ways of responding to and resisting violence and oppression. Do you see your power? When we become aware that everything we do (or appear not to do) is an act of resistance, then we become powerful. We become agents of change in our own lives. You are not a victim of the garbage that happens around you. You get to choose how your life rolls out and how you respond.

Think about your power. Think about how you respond and how resistance works in your life.

Next time, we will explore how someone who treats you badly – a spouse, parent, co-worker – is also using some kind of self-destructive coping mechanism. This is not to excuse the behaviour but to understand its origins. Stay tuned.

Slow-Burn Epiphany

The other day, on Twitter, I said, “Acknowledging the positive is more effective than berating the negative.” What’s wrong with me? You all know that I like rage against the machine – point out what is wrong with how things are done in our society. And don’t get me wrong – I see many things wrong with how we allow our society to be run. Like, 1% of our population owning 50% of our wealth! Grrrrrrr…..

But something else has come up for me recently. It’s been like a slow-burn epiphany of sorts. Over the last few months, I have made an effort to acknowledge the positive in my life, and have begun to believe those that acknowledge the same in me. And I notice the difference! My outlook is more positive overall. In the face of the negative that happens around me, I still feel happy.

So, with this newfound positive outlook, what’s a guy to do when I see all these problems!!!? This came up on my social media accounts over the last little while. I expressed offence at consistently being referred to as a “taxpayer” in the media and by politicians of all stripes. Some people agreed and expressed their frustration while others express privilege at being acknowledged for contributing financially to our country. Differences are to be expected. But how do I reconcile this newfound positive outlook with the pointing out of problems?

I see it like this: if I’m going to point out a problem in our society/system/etc then I better be prepared to offer a solution. Or point to those that are working on a solution.

So here it is. The term “taxpayer” as the media and politicians use it, leaves out many people who can’t contribute financially to our system. It assumes they don’t have a voice because they don’t contribute. Yet, on close examination, all of us contribute in various ways – taxes being but one of those ways. Think about all the ways you contribute every day to make Canada the kind of society it is. It also assumes that all who pay taxes have a voice. This is untrue. Businesses and corporations pay taxes but are not entitled to a say in our democracy: they can’t vote or otherwise participate directly – only individual citizens can.

My solution: lets get back to referring to ourselves as citizens so we are all included! A citizen is an individual that is entitled to participate in our democracy and contributes in a variety of ways to Canadian society.